The Spanish idiom âquedar bienâ (or Catalan âquedar bĂ©â) doesnât translate well into English. WordReference offers as basic suggestions âto make somebody happyâ, âto make/cause a good impressionâ, âto look good to someoneâ. Elsewhere I have come across this: âto stay in good termsâ, âto get in good with someoneâ, âto please someoneâ, none of these 100% accurate. I mean here, of course, âquedar bienâ in the sense of following certain rules of politeness and not the âquedar bienâ used for clothing (âthat dress looks good on youâ, âyou look great in that dressâ) or cooking (âme queda muy bien la tortilla de patataâ = âmy Spanish omelette tastes deliciousâ).
There must be much anxiety about the impossibility of finding a perfect fit in English for this idiom, for a Google search throws up mainly links to translations, not definitions. The RAE Dictionary seemingly does not gather idioms, for it offers no definition of this one, nor do its lexicographers include it in the entry for the verb âquedarâ. Another bout of unfruitful googling leaves me wondering about this strange lexical blank: everyone knows what âquedar bien/quedar bĂ©â means but nobody is offering a reliable definition of this expression; fancy how hard it must be to master by foreign learners of Spanish!
The point of my post today is actually wondering whether everyone does know what âquedar bienâ means. Iâll offer my own version, to begin with, then offers examples of the opposite behaviour. âQuedar bienâ means performing actions addressed to showing oneâs own good will to please others, for the sake of making the relationship with them work well. I think this is it. This varies in degree: you may âquedar bienâ with your couple by organizing a candlelit dinner to show your love, or simply greet a neighbour every morning to be in nice, neighbourly terms. Funnily, I do not know whether the âquedarâ in the idiom is self-reflexive (âthis makes me feel goodâ, that is, âme quedo bienâ) or transitive (âI make/cause a good impressionâ). Probably a mixture of both. No doubt, âquedar bienâ can be quite hypocritical, as it may even cover an intense dislike: I actually hate my neighbour and I use my daily greeting to avoid real conversation.
In, specifically, academic life âquedar bienâ earns you many contacts (and indeed friends). This is a situation in which it is absolutely imperative to behave impeccably, as you never know who might be assessing you for publication, a research project, a tenured position… you name it! The worst possible situation, doubtless, is one in which your academic peers whisper behind your back that you are impolite, nasty or, God help me!, an arrogant bastard/bitch.
We are in need of maintaining our reputations beyond strict academic achievement, and it hurts nobody, as far as I gather, to have the reputation of being a real gentleman or lady. Yes, old-fashioned as this may sound (remember I teach Victorian Literature?). I do my best to apply this rule though, of course, it is for the others to say whether I am successful. I also do my best to incorporate to my academic life what others teach me, like emailing a thank you message to conference organizers once you return home, which I learned to do from a very polite English colleague.
âQuedar bienâ, in short, entails a big or small personal sacrifice to do something you NEED NOT DO. Generally speaking, though, it only brings benefitsâyes, it can be an extremely selfish attitude or even hypocritical, as I said. Now, for the examples of how NOT to âquedar bienâ in academic life, this time including students:
*the by now increasing tendency, as I noted in my last post, to tell your Literature teacher that you donât like reading (you donât want to signify yourself this way)
*emails sent with no opening greetings and no closing words (how hard is it to write âDear Professor, Hereâs my essay. Thanks. Yours, Maryâ?)
*not thanking people who have thanked you for something (âThank you for being a good studentâ means, yes, that your teacher is fishing for a compliment)
*pretending you donât see a teacher in the corridor: yesterday an ex-student made a point of NOT seeing me by… whistling as I passed by her side
*pretending you donât see a colleague you donât like that much in a conference youâre both attending (just say âhi, nice to see youâ and move on)
*disrespecting in any way people in positions enabling them to a) grade your work, b) offer a reference letter or recommendation, c) hire you (this is the equivalent of shooting your own academic foot)
*being arrogant at conferences when asking questions to colleagues, both your own level or superiorâcoming across as if you know better than anyone else will make you no friends. If you want to be nasty and cannot help it, make sure you will not cross paths with this person ever again.
*express negative opinions about the work of people who have a say in your academic future, for instance by publishing a negative review of their work (oops!)
I could go on and on, I hope you get the idea. If you think I exaggerate, I know of an individual who is guilty simultaneously of the three last offences… my inspiration for this post.
You may be thinking at this point that âquedar bienâ is all about being a complete hypocrite/sycophant/brown nose/ars licker… playing a hypocritical game. There is just a little bit of this but, believe me, it is not that difficult to distinguish between the genuine article and the phony one. A person who inclines towards âquedar bienâ sets clear limits: âIâm greeting you in the corridor for politenessâ sake but this does not mean I admire youâ. The sycophant knows no limits and will probably tell you in the middle of the corridor, for no good reason, how much s/he admires you. Yes, they overdo it.
Academic life is, I grant this, a delicate game based in many occasions on nuanced personal impressions. I find myself frequently discussing these days how big a hindrance personal differences are for teamwork to progress. Yet, happily for me, I work in a Department in which most colleagues believe in âquedar bienâ, sometimes with an effort, more commonly making no effort. Teachers may spend decades with the same colleagues and this calls for subtle policies regarding how to make coexistence as nice as possible. Blunders happen, inevitably, but, needless to say, they must be avoided, particularly, let me be crass, to protect your own interests.
To finish: âquedar bienâ, as I acknowledge, is a fragile mixture of selfishness and generosity which only brings benefits, whether professional or personal. Behaving like a âseñorâ or a âseñoraâ must always be the rule, in any environment. In academic life there are inevitable power dynamics that, openly or covertly, rule our life and the worst anyone can do is ignore them.
I feel like one of those Victorian ladies who used to publish conduct books, but, well, one doesnât teach Victorian Literature for a couple of decades with no effect whatsoever in oneâs mentality. Iâm even using the impersonal âoneâ like Queen Victoria. Better stop now…
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